Today I am 33, and I have a lot of feelings.

But don't I always?

Dear Reader,

For someone who doesn’t mind having the spotlight on them, I’m sure it will come as a surprise to you that I’m not a huge fan of my own birthday.

Others? Yes, always. I love celebrating people and writing cards and giving gifts.

It has nothing to do with growing old (I quite like that bit) but I guess to me, birthdays can hold a certain level of expectations that aren’t always met. And I have come to convince myself I have a bit of a birthday curse although I’m determined to shake it off this year.

I’ve always been a stylish gal.

What it comes down to, I think, is that I have the mindset (and hope) that others will show up how you show up for them. Even though I know that’s not how the world works, and I know that’s also not entirely realistic - that’s one of my overthinking things, I’m very good at seeing all sides but not very good at letting the ‘logic’ sink in.

9/27/1991 from Recipes for Overthinking

Last year was especially disappointing. For a few years before, weddings, engagements, and other birthdays eclipsed my own, and that’s how life is when you get older. I decided to throw a party and of course, got COVID the night before. Less than a handful of people reached out with birthday wishes, and that felt extremely lonely. It did lead to the best birthday treats I’ve ever gotten from my sister though, and an accidental staycation filled with reading and puzzles. And the messages I did get though, they shined brighter and made me hold those people even closer this past year.

It is a lesson of sorts I suppose, that sometimes I think we put too much weight on what friendships can offer as we settle into them and time passes.

32 and still growing up now…

Taylor, as usual, knows how to say it.

Feelings about the day itself aside, this past year was amazing, and I can genuinely say that all the good made any of the bad minuscule.

I published a book. I got to be at the cottage with the entire family. I finally felt fully like myself again. I got to travel with family for the holidays. Met an amazing man and fell delightfully hard. Saw so many concerts. Got at least 10 tattoos. Saw more constellations than I ever have. Performed at two spoken word nights. Celebrated love more than loss but took moments for both.

I’m not sure if there’s anything to take from this. I always get a little more rambley at this time of year, a little more nostalgic, a little homesick. But I do hope that wherever you’re reading this from, you get to have a cozy, restful weekend.

Until next chapter,

PS - if you reply to this email (or any) I can email you back! Just in case you want to chat :)

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Scrolled to the bottom? Relatable. Here’s some fun stuff for ya:

📚 What I’m reading: Is a reading slump still a reading slump if you have too many books on the go? I think I’ve still been stressed with things about my OWN book that I haven’t been able to really sink into one:

🎶 What I’m listening to: I made this a couple if years ago and every fall I still break it out.

📆 What’s up next for me: Dare I say it will be quiet for a bit? I can share though, that my book is now available in stores in Toronto and Midland, with more to come!