My Current Muse: Nostalgia
And all the feels that come with it.
Dear Reader,
Yesterday as I was finishing my run (yes, I run now and yes, it is really fun even if I am part of the Slow Run Club as it’s affectionately called on TikTok) a girl was setting up her table for a day of sales. And it wasn’t lemonade, but a whole mishmash of things presumably gathered from her house that when had been permitted to sell. Books, knick-knacks, random utensils, all for sale for the grand price of a dollar each.
It brought me back to when my sister and I set a table up at the end of our driveway to sell the ‘crystals’ from a chandelier in the house we had just moved into, so this was around ‘98 give or take. I can’t remember what we sold them for, but I do remember the neighbours across the street came and bought every single one! And we took our winnings to a Beckers, probably to get slushies.
And I love that even though kids are growing up in a completely different world with new technology and TikTok, there are still kids who want to make a dollar off of random things in the house.
When you’re writing* who are you thinking of?
* and by writing you could sub in creating, working, ANYTHING.
Because of numerous factors, including social media and the virality that posts can have when speaking on the topic, healing your inner child has become quite trendy. It’s a term that’s been around since as early as the 1940s, but in recent years has taken off once again. The article "Why Is Everyone Working on Their Inner Child?" explores the growing trend of inner child work, highlighting its therapeutic benefits in addressing unresolved childhood emotions and traumas, ultimately leading to improved mental health and healthier adult relationships. Popularized on social media, this concept involves various therapeutic techniques and personal reflection to foster emotional healing and resilience.
The reason I bring this up is that I’ve been doing this my whole life, albeit without the trauma causing a need or with any training, and had no idea until the term became popular (especially during the beginning of COVID-19).
Whenever I’m writing, I think of younger me, and it tends to become a theme in a lot of my writing. How the world is, or how things have unfolded in ways I never would have thought of.
As you know (I think, unless you’re very new here) I’ve been writing since I could. There’s even a poem of mine published in a yearbook from when I was in kindergarten about a prairie dog needing shoes in the desert. That’s adorable and impressive so to balance it out I’ll also share that in Grade Two when I had to write a story, I copied my favourite book word for word and proudly handed in it. I can’t be certain, but I’m pretty sure it was this book. ANYWAY, you win some you plagiarize some.
Maybe it’s the wisdom we get at our age (I know my mom will laugh at that) or maybe it’s that the last five or so years have blurred into one that makes me feel like every year comes faster and faster, but I spend a lot of time thinking about my younger self, affectionately called Little Me.
It happens outside of writing too, and I’m curious to hear if anyone else thinks like this.
Running in the graveyard behind my house takes me back to around Grade Four and cross-country running, as the route went through a graveyard behind my school. Now, at that time I liked running because I felt like it made me like a horse, and I’m 100% not as speedy as I was then.
I can rarely resist dessert on behalf of Little Me and all the times I didn’t get a dessert, it’s like I’m catching up on IOUs.
I recently watched X-Men ‘97 and it has sent me back into a rabbit hole of my love of comics (and anything related) growing up.
Doing crafts that I wouldn’t have even thought of when I was younger but still bring the same joy as any craft we did in the 90s, maybe more.
So I guess when I say muse, I don’t just mean by creating.
I find myself, more and more these days, thinking about Little Me and if what I do would be something she would admire. And I get that at that age, you can’t wrap your head around why adults do what they do, or what admiration means, but it still crosses my mind.
She wouldn’t get what I do for work and would be a little confused about why I don’t own a horse or why I have a lot of tattoos, and okay, why I’m not blonde…but you know, that’s a lot to live up to!
But I still collect rocks, press flowers in my books, write in a bunch of notebooks I’ll never fill up, and try and spot constellations even in the city. Also, my knowledge of birds has improved, and she would love that.
I hope you think of your little self soon and give them a wave for me. If you’re feeling up to it, write them a letter.
Until next chapter,
PS - if you reply to this email (or any) I can email you back! Just in case you want to chat :)
Scrolled to the bottom? Relatable. Here’s some fun stuff for ya:
📚 What I’m reading: I have the most random reads on rotation right now! Okay let’s see: Everyone in My Family Has Killed Someone, Bride, and Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism.
🎶 What I’m listening to: You can’t tell me this soundtrack isn’t still a 10/10. Golden Years is my theme song for my 30s, and I love that it was the dance scene. Loved it then, love it now.
📆 What’s up next for me: The Petal Projections Issue 09 Launch! IT IS TONIGHT! Wanna come? Tickets are live here! I’ll be reading two pieces and will try my best to get them recorded too for those who live out of the city and want to listen.
NOSTALGIA. My love.
A shout out to one of my other loves, Rowan, whose reminded me for 13 years that it's okay to be a kid at heart forever.
And a shout out to you, my other love too because 1) it was so well written I could hear you reading it and 2) it was so well written and relatable I'm trying to figure out if I wrote it (Obviously I didn't, I can't write this well).
xo