I Changed My Address (15ish Years Late)

Not a coming-of-age story — more like a slow unfolding.

Dear Reader,

I've been thinking a lot lately about how we’re all growing up. And I’m using that term pretty loosely because if you know me, I am not one to file myself under ‘mature.’ So hear me out.

As much as I am an avid daydreamer, I’ve never really been one to think much about the future - or at least tie down dreams or plans. Not in a good or bad way, I’d like to think, but more so that if I think too much about the future and everything I could possibly want to cram into this life of ours, it stresses me out.

I remember, back in my blogger days when I was Sincerely, Bri, I had a 30 Before 30 list. And the most common response was surprise that marriage or children weren’t on that list. It wasn’t at all that I didn’t want either (I genuinely think my wedding Pinterest board is over 15 years old now LOL), more so that it didn’t even occur to me to add those to a list surrounding age. Me?? Of the age to have children? That’s forever away!

It’s not that I don’t want to grow up, it’s that I’m in no rush. Even as time ticks on.

Even when the time naturally came when I was attending weddings every other month, I still couldn’t fathom it. And now, as Taylor Swift puts it, my friends all smell of weed or little babies. I want to slam the brakes, and I think that hit home even further when my cousin shared the news. In the most dramatic way, it clicked that everything is changing forever, and nothing can stop that.

It took me over 15 years (whoops) to change my address on my driver’s license from my parents’ place to my current one. And while that’s one part laziness, it’s also one part denial. A closing of a chapter.

This ramble is about growing older without resisting it. About noticing the ache and the beauty of change. Even if I have to convince myself about it all the time. About making peace with the past and choosing to grow gently. I hope it meets you wherever you are in your becoming.

See I don’t mind growing older. Really, I don’t.

I like knowing what kind of eggs I like. I like having a favorite coffee mug. I like that my wardrobe has slowly become a mix of black sweaters, long skirts, and clothes I would have rolled my eyes at when I was seventeen. I like that my face is slightly less round and my eyes crinkle when I smile. I like that I no longer think every silence needs to be filled. That I don’t take things quite so personally anymore. That I trust my instincts a little more. That I trust time, too.

But even still, sometimes I feel the ache of it. The quiet tug of change. The way certain things don’t fit quite like they used to. A denial that I can’t have it both ways, that I can’t slow down anything.

Old friends I don’t talk to anymore. Inside jokes I’ve forgotten the context for. Songs that once meant everything, now meaning something else entirely. That strange, specific grief of becoming someone new and realizing some parts of you didn’t come with you.

Growing up, I thought adulthood would feel like a finish line. Like one day I’d cross over into certainty and confidence and never look back!!! But that’s not how it happens. Most days, it feels more like a slow layering. Like you keep building your life one tiny detail at a time, not even realizing what you’re shaping until you’re standing in the middle of it, whether you like it or not.

I don’t grieve my younger self. But I do think of her often. I wave to her gently when she passes through — in a scent (usually sickly sweet perfume), a song, a weird memory that catches me off guard. I don’t wish to go back. I just want her to know that she made it. That I’m proud of her. That she is still here, in the little things. In the way I decorate my room. In how I hum when I’m anxious.

I think a lot about what we’re meant to keep, and what we’re meant to let go of. And how hard it is, sometimes, to tell the difference. I’m not very good at it, but maybe one day I will be.

Until the next chapter,

PS - if you reply to this email (or any) I can email you back! Just in case you want to chat :)

📚 What I’m reading: I’ve done what I said I would do and have slowed down on my reading! Just three on the go right now…and don’t forget I’m giving away a book in the next newsletter!

🎶 What I’m listening to: My latest vinyl buy but make it Spotify…

📆 What’s up next for me: A LONG WEEKEND THANK GOODNESS! And my BFF’s birthday…so early happy birthday to Vicki <3